Talking About Your Cancer Diagnosis with your Family, Friends and Job
How do I talk to friends & family about my diagnosis?
Talking with family and friends about your cancer diagnosis may seem scary or make you nervous. You may also feel relieved to have it "off your chest" or to have someone to confide in. Remember, if you don't share with them what is going on or how you are feeling then those people cannot provide you support. Start out by telling a few people whom you are very close with. Tell them whatever you are comfortable sharing. It does not have to be a long discussion.
If you need help with this, an oncology social worker can help get some ideas about how to get started. Joining a support group is another way to gain ideas from others about how to get feel more at ease with sharing.
How do I talk to my children about my diagnosis?
Telling your children you have cancer is an important conversation to have. Ask them what they know about what is happening with their parent, what questions they have, and what some of their fears/thoughts may be. Don't be surprised if their thoughts seem self-centered. This is very normal, particularly for younger children. They want to understand how this will affect them. Be honest in answering this – maybe it will be harder to spend time as a family, but assure them you will do your best to support the whole family.
Be sure to talk to your children's school/teachers about what is happening. Teachers are VERY savvy about subtle behavior changes or performance changes that may occur due to a family member's diagnosis and treatment.
Enlist the help of your extended family, friends, community and church supports to take turns with things like babysitting or maybe taking the kids to a special event. It's important to help your children maintain as much normalcy in their lives despite the massive disruption and changes posed by a cancer diagnosis. This is where extra people can help you get your kids to their band concert or soccer practice.
Locally, talk with the oncology team, in particular, an oncology social worker, who can help you with local resources that may be available. Learn more about talking to your kids about cancer.
Some great resources for kids include:
Camp Kesem is a national program with local summer camps throughout the country. This is a great opportunity for your kids to get away with other kids who have "been there", while still having professional support.
How do I talk with my employer about my diagnosis?
You are not legally obligated to inform your employer of your cancer diagnosis.
If you are applying for FMLA coverage (which protects your job for up to 12 weeks), you will need to supply medical verification of a "serious medical condition" and treatment to human resources, However, your direct boss or co-workers are not informed about your medical diagnosis. It is YOUR decision to disclose your cancer diagnosis.
These are some resources for more information about working with or after cancer diagnosis and treatment
You should also talk with human resources about your options for applying for disability through your employer as well as how to maintain your health insurance coverage through COBRA.
Getting Help for Talking About Your Cancer and Coping
Start with the oncology social worker or navigator at your treatment center. If your center doesn't have a social worker or navigator, you can access assistance with coping with financial concerns, insurance problems, and co-pay assistance from a variety of resources—here is a list of go-to resources to start with:
- The American Cancer Society or 800-ACS-2345 (general cancer information,
- Cancer Care (financial assistance, co-pay assistance, support, case management, and education)
- Cancer Support Community Cancer Support and Education and Helpline 1-888-793-9355.